To take a wider view of the situation, it's my fault for not having a wider social circle. What can I say? I'm probably this unapproachable block of unfriendly hostility, that's why... But I know that's not true. Anyway, destroying your own confidence is a great way to achieve even more social isolation, so I probably shouldn't be going this way, but sometimes I'd just like to know what's wrong with me, that I see people's flaws so acutely, that I'm so critical of myself, and others, and why I don�t have more friends.

This loner thing is a self-perpetuating feedback loop. Should probably try to make more friends, be more friendly, etc etc.

But how? It's self-perpetuating on multiple levels.

This self-pity stuff is irritating. I'm disgusted at myself, but at the same time I don't really know what to do about the situation... At least I don't have a leaking defunctioning stoma, to put it in perspective a bit. The future is bright... But why does it seem so bleak? Life is empty, to borrow a much-loved line of Chinese wuxia serials.

Anyway. Mug more, become a pro, get into surgery, find self in a mid-life crisis, get a fast sports car, find it doesn�t really help, learn to just live life, etc etc. At the end of the day, no matter what you specialize in, you end up doing the same work every day.

=(

I guess it's okay to throw a pity party occasionally. Not like I mope around all day. Okay self-pity over. Time to zhng it up.

written at 12:44 a.m.