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; J.Gan



2009-06-26 : friendless soon
Looks like I'll be completely friendless by mid-m4, mid m5 at the latest.

I'm not really cut out to maintain extensive social networks? I never really got the hang of keeping in contact with friends after we left our institutions. Perhaps it's because I never really had many friends to begin with. Perhaps it's because I have a higher need for social interaction than the people I tend to mix with. Why aren't I mixing with similar people? Because I also have a higher need for social non-interaction than the people I'd like to mix with.

Or is it something more?

Somehow I always seem to be in a situation that's unfavourable. It's as if the missteps I made in life somehow accumulated in phase, in a way that magnified their consequences.

Maybe it's because I'm still changing. Maybe it's because I'm intolerant. Maybe it's because I'm unfortunate. Maybe something in me tries to destroy all the social relationships I have. Maybe it's all of these things.

Whatever the cause, it appears that I'm screwed, or will be in about 3-4 years, ceteris paribus.

Is the grass on the other side of the fence greener when there's almost no grass left on your side?

written at 12:01 a.m.

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