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Diaryland
; J.Gan



2004-08-14 : Sulky Saturday
”Imagine yourself in a desert, walking. Mid-step, you kick something. You look down and see a cup. What sort of cup is it? What colour is it? You walk on. Do you take the cup along?”

The cup signifies your first relationship. If it was white, your relationship was likely a rather pure, innocent one. If it was black, the relationship was likely the opposite. Did you take the cup with you? If you did, it means you either took a while to forget your first love, or still haven’t forgotten it… You are probably a sentimental person. If you left it there, you fall into the category of those who are more ‘ungrateful’, for want of a better term.”

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Gu Lao Shi asked us this at jiang today… In chinese, of course. My cup was white, and I took it with me, so I’ll say it’s quite accurate. Although I’m not sure if we were ever really together… If she ever considered me at all…

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Actually when I went for jiang today, I was still feeling quite ok… But when I went in, the feeling sort of evaporated… I’d rather not say why… I’m not entirely sure myself.

Yeah, and even the arrival of the-really-chio-girl-with-fantastic-earrings-which-she-changes-every-lesson couldn’t cheer me up… So I was really quiet the whole lesson. In fact, I was feeling too down to even notice what earrings she was wearing today. I think her name is yuhui or something like that… but I’m really not in the mood for this today.

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I’m like a circuit without a fuse… No real control… I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong. I mean, for quite a while, whenever people have been nasty to me, I’ve just taken it and gone along with it. I was never even angry with them… But now as I think more… Even though we’re supposed to be friends… Should I just sit here keep taking it? Isn’t it rather stupid? But as mentioned, I’m a sentimental sort of person… I don’t really think it’s good to just say I don’t want to be friends anymore…

Confusing.

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At least now i’m getting along ok with this group of guys in school… But inside there’s still this sort of empty space. I’m not sure what will fill it. But I’m still sort of lonely emotionally.

Maybe I’ll update more tomorrow… Friday was quite a fun day.

written at 10:04 p.m.

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