Whee. We is got the SYF photos today! Me is happy. Me is like SYF photo. SYF photo is nice. Syf photo is reminder of better times. Me is like better times. Better times is well�. Better. Whee. Me is think that all people look like they is trying their very bestest to win gold. But they is get silver. Me is think that they is making good attempt. Me is thinking that they is quite good. *self praise:)*

-reverting to normal English-

Sighs. The feeling of dissatisfaction with the choir is growing. It�s not any one person�s fault, it�s a combination of a lot of factors. I mean, I loved choir. In that one year before this one, I really poured my soul into the choir man. Anything pro-choir? I�m your man. And so on.

But now? Hell, so many things have happened that I�m really not sure whether to follow my heart anymore, because my heart is telling me to quit the com. I�m starting to seriously doubt my abilities as SL. Come on, I would never have been anywhere close to this job had there been anyone else who knew music. The only reason I�m here is because there�s nobody else. That�s the truth.

But hey, I�m a reasonable guy, I don�t mind, and anyway, it�s for the good of the choir right? Yeah, it is.

Gradually, things happen. One or two decisions leave the guy feeling left out. He grits his teeth and gets back into the game, tells himself that it�s all nothing, that he�s just experiencing normal setbacks. He gets better with people, regains some of his old confidence, has more friends.

Suddenly, he finds he�s left out, and that his character flaw was never really mended. Even worse, he thinks he�s found some new character flaws. Things he thought he did well. He loved singing because he loved the feel of the harmony, and the way he could let his heart beat to the music. He feels left out. He wonders if people were just nice to him out of sympathy. Perhaps not. It�s too early to tell if his life will revert to its old misery again.

Hell, I love choral music. I�d give my eyeteeth and 2 years of my life to join the Salmo group. BUT THAT WAS 2 WEEKS AGO. I just wonder why they refuse to accept me. Past experience has given me a good idea of the answers, and I think there are some new reasons too. I could beg, but I have my pride to. If I have to suffer to keep it, hey, I�ll suffer. But no begging. NEVER.

I think I�m really not cut out to be Sl. I have a shit knowledge of everything, I have no experience, nobody taught me anything, and my morale decreases steadily with each choir session.

I should just quit�

Now we�ve got 4 people playing Tibia, it�ll be a hell of a scene when we walk into battle, 3 paladins and one knight, singing the paladin song� Lols.

Paladin Paladin Paladin-din-din

Paladin Paladin Paladin

Paladin Paladin Paladin-din-din

Paladin, Paladin-din-din

So it�s dumb. I know. But it�s funny when you sing it. The tune is that odd I�ve �fogotten-it�s-name battlefield march.

********

For those who read this, I don�t want your sympathy. I don�t need it. This is just an outlet for me, and an outlet alone. I can solve this sort of problem. So if you come here, just leave a tag. No sympathy. I don�t want it. I don�t need it. Thanks all the same, but no. So just read, and read. Enough said. Me is going to bed. Me is need sleep. Or me will not be able to teach sectionals properly tomorrow. NTIM.

Saturday, January 31, 2004

Yay. Today is Saturday. Saturday means that there�s choir. If there weren�t choir, I could sleep late, get up and mug for 3 or 4 hours. But since there is, I just have to go. I�ve just returned from choir. The Salmo group is ok, but the guys seem to be going off their note�

Sigh. Section was ok during sectionals, but apparently they had enough time during break to flush half of Ca� the Yowes and half of Paraiso from their memories. Maybe I�m just lousy at this job, and it�s not their fault. I knew I wasn�t up to this job.

Damn.

Genting photos is out. Me is going to buy Genting photos. Genting photos is nice. Whee.

Well, there�s only so much I can say in two days. Even if I look happy and joke around during choir, that doesn�t mean I�m really happy and alright inside. It�s eating at me, but I�ve got the upper hand. For a while anyway. Hope I�ll keep it, at least until after the concert.

Me wants broadband. Me wants to play Tibia! Me is getting broadband.

Next month anyway.

Nobody ever said life was fair or easy. Once again, No Sympathy please. Thank you for your cooperation.

written at 4:55 p.m.