I feel a bit out of my element in VJ. It�s better than TJ, but I feel really immature next to everyone. It�s like everyone is an intellectual, thinking and thinking and constantly thinking� They�re just all much more mature than I am. So I�m tending to shut up more these days to avoid offending anyone or anything. I mean I can say something, and you can just SEE the cogs turning in their heads. I mean I know they�re thinking about something,

Perhaps I just made the wrong choices in life and everything. I mean, when I was younger (i.e. prisch to sec2+) I never really knew I was offending people as I went along. Okay, maybe I knew, but never realized. Now when I look back I find the long and far-reaching consequences are wound into my life� And going to Dunman� The consequences are even worse.

I don�t know. I can suddenly see the areas of my fate which I messed up and now have no control over.

Can�t really find anyone who I can REALLY REALLY click with. There are people who I can click with (thank goodness for them!) but nobody like really close. I mean nobody new who�s really close �winks- old friends don�t count.

But seriously, it�s just quite frustrating. Maybe I�m defective in some way emotionally? Damaged by a traumatic childhood experience or something. Haha just like those psychos in the movies.

I guess you wouldn�t know if you were damaged, would you?

I hardly know anyone in VJ. Apart from choir ppl and old friends. I realized VJ has more English-ly people than TJ, but the Chinese people here are more cheena. Haha it�s weird.
Most TJCians are more Chinese overall. So it�s like the Total Cheena Level is constant, i.e. it is a rectangular hyperbola, but TJ is at a point where cheena levels are approximately equal to English levels in a person, and VJ Is at a point on the curve where the English level is higher than the cheena level. Ohno. Too much econs =)

I�m going to take Chinese once again. I think if I can�t find a group of people to go around with even if I try my best, I�ll just withdraw into myself and become one of those quiet people for the next year and a half. It�s already happening lor. I just shut up and sit down and listen to mp3s or something. Maybe it�s a good thing.

If you ain�t got something good to say, don�t say nothing.

-screams-

Nobody can be infinitely adaptable.

written at 9:30 p.m.